Here's to Lady Luck

 For once, I awoke this morning feeling benevolent, thought I might try to do right by Caddoc. . . give him a surprise. But how? . . . Then a lightbulb moment lit up my brain . . . 'The way to a man's heart', etc, etc . . .

I would treat the old codger to a meal out. Posh like.  Pristine white table linen. Candlelight glinting from crystal wineglasses. The sommelier hovering discreetly.  A violin player wandering between the tables scraping away at 'our song,' whatever that was. Was there one? Certainly wasn't 'Hands, Knees and Boomps-a-Daisy,' - not my style at all. look you, Never mind that. . .

I texted an invite to him in his shed with a selfie of me smiling in a winsome way, instead of my usual old bat pic. 'Have booked a table for 8pm tonight in The Woolpack (*) Be there. My shout. Afters? Who knows? Long as you behave yourself.'

(*)    Abergele's finest restaurant (**), famed throughout North Wales for its superb cuisine and wines.

(**)  Abergele's ONLY restaurant, if I'm honest. But an improvement on KFC, or 'that other place.' 

Triumphant with her cunning plan, Ada waited for her man; watched the clock hands tick the minutes. her patience  tested to its limits . . .

And Ada posted this at the invitation of Poets and Storytellers United HERE

Alive! Alive oh!

In Blogland's fair city where girls are so pretty 

I first set my eyes on sweet Ada - alone!

T'was my chance to pursue her

and maybe to woo her...thinking 

"Freckles and Muscles? Alive, alive oh!" 

"Alive, alive oh, alive, alive oh!

See my Freckles and Muscles, alive alive oh!" 

So sang my dear Ada, and no one could save her

from smelling too fishy, despite all her charms.

She wheeled her wheel-barrow

through streets broad or narrow,

while I couldn't wait to scoop her in my arms.

"Alive, alive oh, alive, alive oh!

See my Freckles and Muscles, alive alive oh!" 

Life now? It's more pithy, and oftentimes gritty;

dear Ada, my Ada don't leave me alone!

But hark! Am I dreaming?

Is my Ada scheming

to gather me into her arms once again?

"Alive, alive oh, alive, alive oh!

See my Freckles and Muscles, alive alive oh!" 

I hear a voice calling - almost caterwauling!

"Oh, Ada, my Ada, please throw me a bone?

I'll sing for my supper, 

show I'm not a duffer, 

for like any trained doggie, I will follow you home!

With apologies to Molly Malone traditional song, and thanks to P&SU 

P.S. This shows  why I have more than one reason for vacating my shed at the bottom of the garden, and trotting back to the house when Ada calls...

What's He Up To Now?

Bet you didn't know, dear reader, that in his younger days my husband Caddoc went in for all-in-wrestling. His favourite opponent was little me, Ada, his best-beloved (he says) wife. "Come now, dearest," he would cry, "three five minute rounds with two falls or a submission to decide the issue." Just imagine it!  In the halcyon days losing to him wasn't too bad, but latterly . . . goodness me, at my age!  Anyway, there he is, holed up in his shed, doing burpees and squats and one arm push-ups and trunk-curls and what are those rumbling sounds I hear . . . has he got a treadmill or an exercise bike in there? And here am I imagining him expanding his chest, toning his biceps and thighs, reshaping his physique to it's useful (oops! I mean 'youthful') splendour . . . though come to think of it 'useful' doesn't sound so bad.  Hold on!  Can this really be me, Ada (call me "Unyielding") Trellis falling prey to slightly impure day-dreams?  Never! No way!  On the other hand . . .

'Caddoc.  CADDOC!  Come here a minute. But take that scarecrow hat off, look you!' 

Magaly's invitation to write about muscle memory is behind this unwarranted and, I assure you, quite untypical outburst. Things are now back to normal and our hero has retreated to his shed. 

 

Aroint Thee, Cad!

 No, I don't know what it means, but it's Shakespeare(*), so it must be good. Unlike he of the burnt rice-pudding face and matching hat who is a bit of a curate's egg(**) - good, but only in parts. He thinks food be the music of his love, or something equally daft, but his little ditty fails to impress me.  It's overlaid with foodie metaphors and he's managed to devise a menu of all the stuff I really don't like.  Like marshmallow. Where on earth did he get the idea  . . . oh, never mind.  As I waded through his tripe (where are the onions)(**), I was waiting for some preposterous 'horses for courses' metaphor and an offer of horsemeat for a horse d'oeuvres (**).  Then what?  A main course where I fight off wandering hands like hands of bananas(**) seasoned with imploring glances, a ratatouille(**) of third rate chat-up lines, when all I really want is my feet up, 'Bake Off'(**) on TV and a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.(**)

To say again . . . 'Aroint Thee, Cad. Thou rump fed Runyon.'(*) 

(*) From the 'witches stirring their cauldron' scene in Macbeth,
(**)  'Food' references in accordance with Rosemary's inspiring prompt on 'Poets and Storytellers United.'

WATCH OUT, CADDOC

 Ada's Onto You . . .

In my wee Mini Clubman I went forth today, to shop in Llandudno or perhaps Colwyn Bay.  I drove down the High Street and was leaving the town when I spied an old hat that was wrinkled and brown, perched on the head of a wrinkled old man.  'Twas Caddoc, my husband.  I'll park where I can and follow the varmint. I'll keep him in sight.  I must see what he's up to, something’s not right, some scheme that he hopes will soften me up till I offer the manna from my loving cup. No chance!  I am Ada!  I spurn all romance!

The first shop he entered - a florist, forsooth. He emerged with red roses, I tell you the truth. Thence to Dunn's Hat Shop, the town's only link to his dim, distant past. What must I think? Surely to goodness the silly old bat isn't treating himself to a spanking new hat? A soft grey velour, a deerstalker perhaps?  Whatever it is, it's concealed in a box.  What next? A fresh haircut? Eye-liner? New socks?  He's planning an attack on my stout bedroom door.  "Avaunt thee, you rascal. You're a mind-numbing bore.'  But give him his due, he really does try. And Ada - that's me - should I laugh? Should I cry?

Forty long years I've resisted his charms.  Maybe next birthday I'll open my arms. 

My response to the Poets and Storyteller's prompt for this week, and my warning to my husband.

Are You Listening, Cad-My-Lad?

This week, the Poets and Storytellers blog asks us to take a fresh look at Clichés.

So here goes . . . a ditty with a sting in the tail (And that’s a cliché for a start!)

JUST SAYIN'

I have no box to think outside.

My plate is never full.

I do not basket all my eggs,

By no horns seize my bull.

There’s not a thing I feel deep down,

Nothing I over-mull.

‘Cad's eye?' My sharp stick longs to poke it,

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Using clichés is not my wont,

Except ‘I love you’ when I don’t.

'My sharp stick?'  You must be joking!

I keep a quiver-full in my kitchen drawer.

What's that I hear?

 Although my shed is far from the house, Ada's dulcet tones carry like no others. I fear she may be looking for me. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Read the following extract I stole from one of her secret journals, and you may understand my trepidation...

Binary

I am Caddoc's dark star, encircling him with ponderous gravity... Behind my back he calls me his White Dwarf. Huge. Hugely dense, each thimbleful weighs tons. We two are bound as one. Paired binaries, inseparable on our collision course. 

I eclipse him and he, me. Virgo and Capricorn locked in heavenly combat. Unchangeable as physic's laws, we would not, could not change our gruesome orbits.

We have peered too long through our telescopes' wrong ends. Together we must admit the background hiss of the space between us, and there perhaps explore the kiss of background love.

Ada's Wrath

 " A plot, I tell you, a plot is being hatched! " I hear Ada cry. 

"Can I help you. Mrs T? What's gone wrong? 

"I've been searching everywhere for my recipe book... Look what I've found in our old dresser drawer! A scruffy heap of dastardly  plans labelled Invasion Of Privacy Project Commencing Soon - and I recognise the writing... CADDOC!"

N.B.  If you want to see Caddoc's reply, click HERE !

Memories are made of this...

 

While rummaging around in my shed today for a length of twine, I noticed a container jutting out at an odd angle from a high shelf on the back wall. I moved closer and could see it was a cardboard box, hidden by the webs of time and spiders alike...I lifted it down, amidst a swirl of dust which had clearly remained undisturbed for years. And though I'd forgotten its existence, my first, tentative huff an' puff cleared the lid enough for me to make out the faded word 'Mementos.'

Of course! Amongst the odd assortment of postcards, photographs and letters lay this faded cutting from our local newspaper. What a pity the photographer hadn't waited long enough for my Ada, in all her bridal finery, to climb into the car, on her way to marry the luckiest man in the world, that day...   

Thanks to Fireblossom and The Sunday Muse for nudging me to remember...

Monday's Child

...is fair of face, according to an old rhyme, which makes me believe that I, Caddoc, wasn't born on a Monday, for sure! Nevertheless, beauty is not the be all and end all, folks.

A modicum of kindness and an open mind may, perhaps, make up for any shortfall in the beauty stakes. Here's hoping my Ada comes into that category...

I've not seen her for an hour or two, since I've been in my shed, cogitating...

Her snapshot is pinned to the inside of the door...  

Thinks:-I wonder if it's safe for me to go  in search of an afternoon cuppa yet?

 

All change, all change!

 That's a cry that brings to mind days from my youth.  Whenever a local train broke down,  passengers had to be winkled out of their comfy carriages and re-instated in a less salubrious bus or coach to finish their journey. Ah, me! What jolly fun...

In these ever changing days of Covid19 lockdowns, taking any means of transport becomes more of a military operation. "Masks on!"..."Keep your distance!"... "Don't travel unless it's an absolute necessity!"

I don't wonder that Ada and Cad have barricaded themselves into Trellis Manor, relying on Food Parcels donated by their local Squire. However, he is by no means as generous as this kind gesture might imply. 

Last week, the Trellis kitchen was the scene of many a ruckus, as Ada attempted to make edible dishes from unusual ingredients such as pigs trotters, bean sprouts, two pounds of homegrown windfall apples (maggots included) and a pack of nine toilet rolls with three already removed...

And tomorrow is another day. Happily, it will be a whole hour shorter in the UK, as Time is given short shrift due to the Daylight Saving procedure of turning clock hands counter clockwise at 2 a.m. until dials register  1 a.m. on their shocked little faces. The whole country (and not a lot of people know this) is full of people who sit clockwatching, wide awake, until the appointed hour arrives. And if you believe that, you will believe anything.

September with no Serenade?

 I'd serenade the world if I, Trellissimo, could only appear once more to find out how Caddoc and Ada are dealing with Covid19 lockdown! :-)

Alive and Well?!

I'm happy to report that Ada and Caddoc are still ongoing, but have been too busy to take time out to relate more of their Marital Mayhem moments. With the autumnal weather encroaching upon their Fun in the Sun lives in which they indulge whenever the sun shines, who knows?  They may decide to do more blogging instead, as an alternative winter sport?!
Watch this space...

What year is this?

Now, that's the sort of question I could believe, if it was being put to a spaceman returning to Earth! But I guess I can lose days, weeks, months or even years, sitting in my shed, in quiet contemplation of my Beloved Ada.
So if anyone asks me such a silly question, I shall give them short shrift...

Caddoc to the world - I am not dead!
I love  you all - especially Ada...

THEY'RE BACK!

Great News, Folks!   My friends Ada and Caddoc Trellis have broken a long silence to tell me about a recent little adventure, prompted by Tess Kincaid's picture at Magpie Tales No. 285

Ada had taken a trip to the West -

poor Caddoc, alone,  -  felt bereft.

Until...

"Yes!" Caddoc cried, and rolled out of bed.

"While Beloved's away, I'll refurbish my shed!

I'll visit IKEA, perhaps B&Q

and with planking and paint I will show all of you

I'm not just a gard'ner, I'm a carpenter too!"

So he sawed and he planed and he painted and nailed

and much he attempted and in nothing failed,

'til his shed had new gables and windows and doors

and some tourists who passed cried as one "Zut Alors!"

while Caddoc, inside, gazing out with a smirk

thought "At last, a real shed! It was worth all the work!"

But Ada, returning, couldn't hide her delight. 

"That looks sooooo cosy,  you can stay there all night!"

(LIke old times, folks. Seems Caddoc can't win.)

We'll Gloss Over This One, I think...

Ada had never used lip gloss before...
Now she pouted up there with the best!
But her lips grew so sore
that it took pills galore
before she could get a night's rest!


Of course, she only got the idea from Tess and her Mag 222!

The Morning After

Ada and Caddoc had partied all night, to fall into bed with the dawn, and when they eventually opened their eyes, they couldn't but help feel forlorn.

The bed clothes were rumpled and all of a heap (I won't mention the mess on the floor). Neither Ada nor Caddoc could even begin to guess what had happened before...
Had a tornado struck?
Had they both run amok?
Was the bottle of whiskey to blame for the way their heads pounded and nothing stood still? Had the world spun and addled their brains?

N.B. I think A & C may have been having one long party session ever since 2013. Must be the hovering scent of Spring in the air that has tempted them, and me, out of our shells.

Apologies to Tracey and Tess for the effect Magpie Tales' prompt had on the Trellis household this week.

What A Charmer

Ada can drive me up the wall but I thought it only right that she modelled for this mural. Ain't she a winsome sight?

I could've placed her on a pedestal, the way that lovers do...but " I will not squat on porcelain, not even, Cad, for you " said Ada in her sharpest tones, which made me think anew- so I've drawn her in a treetop crown.

"Forgive me, Ada dearest, for when you've simmered down, you'll realise I put you there 'cause you're way above the best, and will charm the birdies from the trees!" 

And there my case shall rest.

Inspired by The Mag, where Tess gave us artwork by Jeanie Tomanek to get our juices flowing.

Did She Fall Or Was She Pushed?

Caddoc arose from his bed with a scream. "Beloved, I've had a most terrible dream. O, Ada, my Ada I saw you outside the window! I thought you had gone for a ride on the wing of a bi-plane but had taken a header and fallen to Earth - you couldn't be deader as you landed below in a blood splattered heap..."

"Caddoc, you ninny, I've been fast asleep beside you for hours, not walking on wings. What makes you think up such terrible things? Must be the cheese you ate for your supper?
Now snuggle back down and don't be a duffer!"

Tess gave us more food for thought today with her Mag which featured a photo by Elena Kalis.