Wanted: A Bicycle Made For Two

 

Thus read the advertisement which appeared in the local press shortly before Caddoc and Ada planned to marry. He dreamed of taking her on a tandem tour around local beauty spots for their honeymoon....  Sadly, one was not forthcoming, and their story ran more like this...

"One minute, dearest," Caddoc said."I've things to see to in my shed."
"I'm the one", Ada replied, "needs seeing to!"
But Caddoc cried "Look you! My leek is growing limp!"
"That's not all, you weird Welsh wimp, that's hanging down in glum dejection where I should spy your Welsh . . . "
"Perfection!"
came the rejoinder from her spouse busy in his new greenhouse. Soon Ada's fears were laid to rest, and Caddoc wooed her, full of zest...
"All it needs is a brief spell of watering from my special well. Then you'll find your leek just grew some. We can make a blissful twosome."
And soon young Cad let out a shout.
"So THAT'S what nuptials are about! No more pottering in my shed- We'll spend our time in bed, instead!

You can see more of Caddoc waxing lyrical HERE, thanks to his being reminded of the stars in Ada's eyes, after Tess' "Cycles Sirius" brought back his disappointment over the non-appearance of a tandem...but Alicia was to blame for the honeymoon theme...

BRAvissimo!

After seeing this week's prompt  from Tess at Magpie Tales, Caddoc set to work with a will. But he could be heading for trouble.  Perhaps I should suggest he destroys the evidence . . .

ANOTHER POEM FOR MY BELOVED

by Caddoc Trellis

Dear Ada, now you're getting older

you need a stouter boulder-holder

to hoist them nearer to your shoulder

and help them both not to turn colder.

I found this on a raunchy site

while I was surfing late last night.

I think those cups will fit just right,

and hold you up for my delight,

my Ada, my sweet sexy sight.

My Lips Are Sealed- Almost!

I am a mollusc;
from inside my shell
I will never see the sea.
I may feel the ocean,
but have no concept
of its vastness.

Must I forgo security
and leave my home
to acquire wisdom?

Or, like a hermit,
will inner spaces
allow me to complete
a meaningful journey
in my solitary world?

This continues in the same introspective vein as my previous post. Ada seems to be on one of her 'Let's ignore Caddoc' kicks, which gives me plenty of time to look inside myself in search of yet more answers.

To the question 'Why stop at 55 words?' I have found a reason on the bottom line HERE!

Man Or Mouse?

Thanks to Alicia's Maffick Monday prompt, I'm looking for answers... I need to know more about how to get angry- enough to stand my ground against Ada when she's on the warpath!

Anger Management? Ah! Just the job-
it might teach me to be a proper slob,
to rant and rave and shout...

Oh, dear!

That's not what they're about-

Now I see I've got it wrong...
Their mantra is "Do get along!"

Time For Frivolity

Before Ada comes down to my shed and finds me writing ditties about the fairer sex, here's an off the cuff offering for Alicia, who posed the question "What if birds ruled the world?"

Answer: They do, dearie, they do!

Birds do rule the world -
but not the feathered kind!
I think you'll find they walk on legs
tacked to a cute behind!
 
They're really ladykillers,
as all us menfolk know,
but could we do without 'em?
I'm sure we'd all say "NO!"

Sorry Ada!, blame it on Alicia! Your ever loving Caddoc. X

Caddoc!

It has come to my notice that Mr T has been bandying my love of dragons about in Blogland, following a strange illustration that popped up all over the place today.

Here is my answer to him!

Welsh dragons are red and not green!
Cad, how could you never have seen
the difference between their red and that green
which Jinksy sploshed over her screen?

Sorry, jinksy, but it IS a bit bright!

A Monday Special

I see my Ada has been wandering Blogland again, writing messages to a gentleman doctor. But she has lead me to discover what might be a fun new blog to follow, HERE where Alicia asks us to write about a terrible dancer, for her first steps onto the floor of the Prompt Palais de Dance.

A terrible dancer
is usually a chancer.
He whirls girls around the floor,
hoping they'll stay for more,
as he craftily plants a
kiss on their cheek!
What a way to start the week...

Please note, Ada, this is not autobiographical.
Love, 
Caddoc. X

One Stop Poetry. 23/05/2011

I received the following poem on a sheet of a "certain kind" of paper, wrapped inside a parcel of laundry from Caddoc Trellis, at present in police custody.  He asked me to give it to his wife Ada. I dare not. She is very handy with the frying pan, or so I'm told. So I post it here. It fits the spirit of Mr. Luke Prater's One Stop Poetry, and it fits too the spirit of the rest of the Trellis story. But I fear Caddoc is finding incarceration distressing....
An Abergele Romantic Speaks Out

Dear Ada is my one true love,
her smile, her hair, her wellie boots,
her startling range of Birthday Suits.

I love her to the skies above;
I love her bed (more than my shed)
and sometimes, when push comes to shove,

her passion yields climactic hoots!
Dear Ada is my one true love.
No sooner had Ada  read his words, than she rushed to her escritoire, and in next to no time handed me a reply on her monogrammed notepaper, entreating me to deliver it to Caddoc as soon as possible. But I thought I should share it with you - don't tell Ada! 
An Abergele Wife Speaks Out

Oh, Cad, you're nothing but a fool!
How dare you write such saucy stuff,
about my being in the buff?

To flaunt such things is really cruel.
You love my bed more than your shed?
I'll whack you with my kitchen stool,

my silly man who's far from tough.
Oh, Cad, you're nothing but a fool!

Flash Fiction 55. 20th.May 2011

I hope My Beloved Ada doesn't start on at me for trying my hand at Mr.G-Man's fantastic Flash Friday short fiction, particularly as my effort mentions . . . well, read on.

Eyeful

A man was arrested in a London Underground station for “breach of the peace” by scrambling up the “Down” escalator. CCTV showed him riding the “Down” escalator earlier in the normal manner.

When asked why he chose this inconvenient way of going "Up"  he replied “The ‘Down’ escalator is on the side with the brassiere adverts.”

Pie Eyed?

Caddoc, on a boot sale jaunt, and defying Ada's  taunt of  "Don't come back with useless tat - you know what I would do to that!",  thought he had a master plan. And this was where his trials began...

"Ada, dear, I swear I'll find a statue of a well hewn kind - something tasteful to adorn our tiny but well tended lawn."

And after hours of careful searching, his eyes lit up."That's it! Kerching! I shall purchase good Saint Francis, cart him home. If Ada fancies... "

"How much," asked Ada, looking grim, "Did you have to pay for him?"

"A measley tenner" Caddoc said.

" But why the piecrust on his head?"

Indeed, poor Cad could not deny when viewed with a discerning eye, the statue's head was less than formal. Its piecrust hat was quite abnormal. Caddoc spluttered out the words "I suppose it's full of Blackbirds!"
"Blackbirds! What, all Four and Twenty?"  Caddoc, you annoy me plenty!'
"Right, Beloved cease your bawling! Can't you see, my crest is falling? I'm off - back into my shed, where often in the past I've fled. That'll give you time to simmer down, and make a pie for dinner!"

To be continued...

And once again, thanks, and apologies, to Tess At Magpie Tales .

Trellisimo Takes Up The Tale

Cad resolved the problem ceiling. He did not call her cold, unfeeling. No! She knew that he had won when he strapped a blindfold on. Then Ada, totally unsighted found that what he did delighted, and, because all now seemed dark, he revelled in their being stark. And so they passed the night away in variations of horseplay.

After such a busy night (much to Caddoc's awed delight) Ada fried him two fresh eggs, although her motive surely begs the question why she used the pan to feed her oddly puzzled man,who often had to guard his head from frying pans, it must be said!

To be continued... 

& thanks to Tess at Magpie Tales for today's breakfast! 

Shower Over,The Tale Continues...

(For Previous Instalment Click Here) 

Cad’s lashes lifted, very gently, Ada stooping, evidently thought her husband might be dead, until his hand crept round her head pulled her lips towards his own, and Ada let a little moan escape her water spangled mouth, as Caddoc’s hands moved further south.
“Beloved, surely it is time for me to show you, love of mine, just how tenderly I’d woo you? Let us find a spot where we two may indulge our mutual passion. Love need not be on the ration !”
We’ll leave this drippy star-crossed pair to find their way up winding stair, perhaps to sip a glass of wine and reminisce about a time when nightly they affirmed their love and Ada cooed, Cad’s turtle dove... But hush – what’s this? Now she is screaming
”Caddoc, look at how this ceiling’s cracked and stained. It needs redoing – never mind your silly wooing -  and look how badly hung the door is, leaving gaps because the floor is more like rolling hills and dales! This house must be the worst in Wales when it come to decoration!”
“You fill me dear, with trepidation... But Ada, you’re not concentrating on our long neglected mating!”
So while these two are thus disporting, all peeping Toms must stop reporting...

Normal service will no doubt be resumed as soon as possible, after we drink a toast to Willow for her Magpie Prompt,  and remember, it's Day #15 over at Writer's Island.

A Right Shower!

We pick up the grim story of the Trellis household where we left it last week . . . encouraged by another pictorial prompt from Willow. Cleanliness, they say, is next to Godliness. Do the Trellises agree?

Trellissimo: So Caddoc, paint and brush in hand and feeling very far from grand, crossed the yard to paint the shed, muttering inside his head...
"My tender portrait was in vain. Beloved strafed me yet again and packed me off to paint, alone. . . I swear she has a heart of stone."
And Caddoc, though he loved her madly, resigned himself to painting, (badly) the potting shed. But wait! Indoors, Ada gets up from scrubbing floors. Fronts the portrait, smiles, then thinks
"Perhaps I've been too much a minx. He's honest, sober, kind and true. So many things he does not do, like gamble... flirt... or smoke a pipe. Perhaps, perhaps the moment's ripe? I think I'll go and take a shower...sweet perfumes may enhance my power! "
Now what's this? Ada is singing! This time surely she'll be flinging caution to the winds of chance. What is life without romance? Meanwhile, Caddoc coming in, perhaps to fetch another tin of paint, or maybe some paint-thinner, doesn't dream he's on a winner.
"Ada! Ada! Where's... ?"
Where's Ada? Surely he can't have mislaid her? She's in their en suite, damp and steamy, and in his eyes a look that's dreamy now appears, as through the glass he spies Beloved's buxom -
"Pass my bathrobe, Caddoc dearest - I must admit to you, the queerest feelings have beset me- I feel like saying 'Come and get me?' What can have caused this great reversal? Is it an undress rehearsal for some acts of wedded bliss? Do you suppose something's amiss?!
"No, Beloved, it is normal! Life need not be dull and formal. Loving can be lots of good fun, when you find the certain someone who can make your heart beat faster! It is far from a disaster that at last you'll drop defences, and instead let's mend the fences which have long kept us apart. Come here to Caddoc, my dear heart!"
"You naughty man! Forget the bathrobe! Take me! Kiss me! Lick my earlobe!"
Ada, shedding shower water stands before him. Now he oughta seize his object of desire, bear her off to quench their fire. Instead...  he faints as there appears landscapes he's not seen in years.
"Now this passes all belief! Where's my bathrobe? Where's my briefs? Husband Caddoc, you've been warned! Hell hath no fury like Ada scorned."

Beauty Is In The MagpEYE Of The Beholder

The Mona Lisa portrait was Tess Kincaid's Magpie#59 prompt this week. My friend Caddoc Trellis decided he would not be upstaged by a mere Leonardo . . .

Trell:     Here's Caddoc home from Abergele. Now I wonder what the hell he's hauling to the Trellis door? Whatever, folks, I guess there's more in this than ever meets the eye. I'll crouch behind the hedge and spy. Already shrill-tongued Ada's speaking. Perhaps a better word is "shrieking"

   "Cad! What's that parcel you're undoing? I think this means there's trouble brewing."
   "See, my love! I've bought this easel..."
   "Why! You gormless little weasel! And what's all this? It looks like toothpaste!"
   "This oil paint's nothing but a foretaste of my latest Arty Project.  Will you sit and be my subject? I'd paint you like Da Vinci's lady. I promise you, it won't be shady."
   "What? Sit for you? A silly plan, you crass, deluded little man! You'd have me smile like Mona Lisa? Why don't you paint that tower in Pisa?"

And Ada stomped of in a huff, she honestly had heard enough.

   "He'll find my smile is bullet-proof against his lusts. He'll hit the roof when once again I thwart his schemes, yielding only in his dreams. I'll show him I'm a Moaning Lisa. I keep my urges in the freezer - and Caddoc's share of married bliss ? A very brief, fresh-frozen kiss, his send-off to the garden shed, though he was hoping for my bed."

Poor Caddoc painted, and his mind supplied the face, for love was blind to all but she who filled his dreams, and so, unlikely as it seems, soon the picture was complete. 

   "Ada, Ada ! Come, my sweet. See if this will win your favour, the product of devoted labour!"

Now Ada had calmed down somewhat. The picture that she saw was not the dreadful daub she had expected. Her Caddoc's talent, unsuspected, had stripped away her years and bitching and for a moment she was itching to swoon into his waiting arms and thank him for revealing charms she had so long kept under wraps. She got no further than . .

  "Perhaps . . "

when, sensing this one word showed weakness, refuelled her Caddoc's care-worn meekness . .

  "Put all such thoughts out of your head!  Be off with you and paint the shed!"