Caddoc is a man with a dress sense all his own but when I saw him yesterday, out in the rain alone, I was startled when I noticed that he held above his head a very large umbrella in a garish shade of red. He looked for all the world like the guy from Magpie Tales but I thought "That's Caddoc Trellis, from Abergele, Wales... So what on earth's he doing in this seedy part of town?" And if his Ada saw him, would she be inclined to frown? Would he try to reassure her with "I must have lost my way. I was off to buy a pressie, love, in nearby Colwyn Bay. I think I missed my turning as I headed through Pensarn and then it started raining, dear, I muttered "Drat!" and "Darn"'cos when my brolly is unfurled I can only see my feet so I don't know how I ended up in this decrepit street of drinking dens and betting shops, Houses of Ill Repute where naughty girls in fish-net tights hold out Forbidden Fruit. So lead me homeward, Ada, and when all is done and said, I'll gladly do some penance in my lonely garden shed."
a pair of fish-net tights?